Saturday, July 26, 2008

Your Pets Will Not Be Flagged For Removal By Jesus During the Rapture

Many, many thanks to Barefoot and Progressive for alerting me to this Craigslist bulletin!

Have you ever thought about what will happen to your pets after Jesus comes back to claim the souls of the saved during the Rapture and deliver them to heaven to enjoy ever lasting life? The bible clearly teaches that only those that have accepted Jesus as their savior will enter heaven (John 14:6, Romans 3:23), and we all know that pets do not have the cognitive ability to do this, so what will happen to your beloved pets? Surely without you there, they would be stuck inside your empty house, starving to death with no one to feed them, let them out to potty, or clean their litter box. This is probably not what you envision for your pets after you are gone. This is where I come in.

I am here to offer you pet care service for after the rapture. As an atheist, I will surely still be here on this earth post rapture and would love to look after your pets for a small fee and make sure they are still well taken care of after you and your family have been raptured. You will be able to look down on them from heaven and see them being well cared for by me and living happy, healthy lives. Do not let my atheism scare you! I am a moral and loving pet owner and would never do harm to any animal.

Click here to check out the rest of the ad.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Ice Cap Melting? Make a run to SuperAmerica!

Recent reports that the North Pole may be ice-free this summer has environmentalists up in arms. GOP supporters... not so much.

James Pence brings us this video, where attendees at a Louisville GOP $1000 per plate fundraiser are first confronted about the war in Iraq and then the global warming worsened by Bush/Cheney/Mitch's policies. One of the supporters has an interesting suggestion for solving the problem of an overheated North Pole:

Of course, SuperAmerica's main sales are oil and gas. Hmmm.... Leave it to Republicans to find a new way to turn a buck while feeding a global crisis!

And why should they care about homeless polar bears or the increase of heat-related deaths worldwide? There's a silver lining to this soggy cloud:

"There's also, or course, oil at the bottom of the Arctic Ocean," he (Mark Serreze, senior research scientist at the National Snow and Ice Data Center) said. "Now, the irony of that is kind of clear, but the fact that we are opening up the Arctic Ocean does make it more accessible."

Does this at least mean that they'll leave Alaska and the Gulf of Mexico alone?